Red One Review

If you watched Young Rock, you know two things are inevitable. 1) Dwayne Johnson is destined to run for president, although that’ll have to wait at least another four years. 2) Johnson was bound to make a Christmas movie that looks too stupid to actually exist. Red One fulfills the latter. Although Red One might’ve worked better as a fake trailer in Tropic Thunder, the film isn’t without some fun ideas and inspired casting. Unfortunately, these bright spots are overshadowed by a bloated runtime, unattractive visuals, and few laughs. There are worse holiday movies out there, but Red One is nonetheless more naughty than nice.

J. K. Simmons proved in Klaus that he’s tailor-made to play a stern yet sincere Santa with a heart of gold behind that rugged exterior. Even in a lesser film like Red One, you can’t go wrong with Simmons as the big guy. The ripped guy might be more accurate, as this is one of cinema’s fittest Santas. Funny to think that Simmons spent all that time working out for Justice League, but his efforts are more apparent here. Bonnie Hunt is another welcome presence as Mrs. Claus, able to warm your heart with even the briefest line read. Alas, the film doesn’t focus enough on Simmons or Hunt.

In a plot that was much funnier when South Park did it 22 years ago, Santa is taken hostage. North Pole Head of Security Callum Drift (Johnson) is on the case, finding an unlikely partner in Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans). Jack is a hacker by day and an all-around Grinch, even stealing candy from a baby. After indirectly playing a role in Santa’s kidnapping, Jack is enlisted to track Saint Nick down before Christmas. The premise has potential for something along the lines of A Men in Black Christmas or The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special. For the most part, though, Red One doesn’t play like a silly comedy. It’s a straightforward action movie with a Christmas backdrop. Die Hard this isn’t.

In place of jokes, the attempts at humor mainly consist of Evans asking, “What the Hell?” Even when the film tries to be funny, the comedy falls short. There’s a scene where Lucy Liu’s character tells her men to box Evans up. They naturally put him in a crate, but wouldn’t it have been funnier if they took the time to wrap it? While Kiernan Shipka looks like she’s having fun as the villainous Grýla, the character feels like a wasted opportunity. The same goes for Kristofer Hivju as Krampus, whose segment goes on forever with only one chuckle involving Johnson getting punched out. As for the action, it’s devoid of any color or wonder. At the very least, Red One should be entertainingly stupid like Jingle All the Way. For a film with muscle-bound polar bears and the Rock, Red One is inexplicably boring.

There is one great scene early on where Callum tells Santa why he’s grown disenchanted with Christmas. While he loves the kids, he’s grown fed up with the adults and their naughtiness. Santa understands where Callum is coming from, yet still tries to restore his faith in humanity and the holidays. The acting from Johnson and especially Simmons carries surprising weight. The scene is also relatable in today’s climate where at least 50.2% of Americans should be on the naughty list. If the rest of the film was on par with this scene, Red One might’ve been a Christmas classic. Instead, it’s an assembly line product that’ll likely disappear from theaters faster than it fades into the abyss of Amazon’s streaming library.