Venom: The Last Dance Review
The Venom movies aren’t the worst comic book adaptations. They aren’t even the worst entries in the inexplicably titled Sony’s Spider-Man Universe. That doesn’t mean they’re passable by any means. Venom: The Last Dance isn’t an improvement, although it isn’t a huge downgrade either. Tom Hardy remains a saving grace, making so many bizarre acting choices that shouldn’t work, yet you can’t help but enjoy watching him go all out. If everyone else was on Hardy’s wavelength, the Venom trilogy might’ve been a unique addition to the crowded superhero market. Unfortunately, these movies could never find an identity or a reason to exist.
Picking up after their throwaway cameo in Spider-Man: No Way Home, Eddie and Venom find themselves on the run. From who you ask? Honestly, the plot is so muddled that it’s hard to keep track. All you need to know is that Eddie and Venom are carrying a MacGuffin you’ll forget about before the credits roll. You’ll also struggle to remember who the villains are and who’s fighting on whose side in a climax flooded with CG creatures nobody can tell apart. Say what you will about Riot or Carnage, but at least the previous movies established a rivalry between them and Eddie. Here, there isn’t a clear big bad for us to root against. Just somebody to be teased in a mid-credits scene.
Eddie also lacks anything resembling a character arc. There’s an action set piece where Eddie kills somebody in self-defense without aid from Venom. The film dramatically pauses on this moment, letting it sink in. Yet, it’s forgotten faster than Zod’s infamous neck snap in Man of Steel. During a heart-to-heart, Venom tells Eddie he would be a good father. Is that what this movie is trying to be about? Family? Speaking of which, Venom and Eddie hitch a ride with an alien-obsessed hippie couple, their cynical teenage daughter, their timid son, and a dog. It’s a potentially funny setup and the actors all have solid timing. They aren’t given anything funny to say, though.
Venom: The Last Dance wants to be a road trip comedy, which could be fun if it went for broke. The film is never as funny or surreal as it wants to be, however. Even the titular last dance feels half-assed compared to Peter Parker’s bonkers number in Spider-Man 3. Yes, this movie is actually making me nostalgic for Spidey Night Fever. When the film isn’t trying too hard to make us laugh, it takes itself too seriously. Juno Temple and Chiwetel Ejiofor (not playing a Karl Mordo variant) do what they can in humorless supporting roles. Meanwhile, Michelle Williams is nowhere to be found, although she deserves a good sport badge for starring in two of these.
Given this franchise’s track record, it’s hard to get that upset over Venom: The Last Dance. It’s like scolding a perpetual D student (who’s still somehow top of the class in a school that includes Madam Web and Morbius). They might not be bottom of the barrel, but the Venom movies will be remembered as strange outliers in the superhero genre. They don’t feature Spider-Man, they aren’t gutsy enough to go for an R rating, they essentially ignore Venom’s villain roots, they’re nothing like the comics, and they never deliver what die-hard fans asked for. Yet, they continue to make bank with apologetic moviegoers seemingly giving their approval.
Will Venom: The Last Dance end this trend, especially now that superhero movies aren’t printing money like they used to? In any case, this appears to be Hardy’s last outing as the character. Without him, it may be time for Sony to pull a DC and wipe the slate clean. Better yet, why not just let Marvel manage Marvel characters from now on? Unless Sony has a secret weapon with Kraven the Hunter or Morbius 2: It’s Morbin Time, this should indeed be the last dance.